USFL '86: Birmingham, or, No Bo

The S and L Scandal wiped out Birmingham majority owner Marvin L. Warner, putting the club in brief chaos, before King of the Lumpens and popular frontman Pappy Katsios assumed control. His ascension coincided with a sudden turnaround. After an 0-3 start, the young club started to gel, going 11-3-1 the rest of the way; Joel Coles, a cast-off from the Maulers and a late training camp add, would complement Joe Cribbs in the backfield; Cribbs swung out or caught midfield, Coles battered against lines. Rice--thought of as a project by NFL scouts, raw marble--appeared Olympian in the ancient divine sense, his hands finally matched his speed in the back-half.

They'd oust defending champion New Orleans in the Wild Card and come close against New Jersey in the Conference semi-final, though the highlight of the season might've been Pappy's flout of Blue Laws at Legion Field with the introduction of beer sales. The Ponies covered weeks--and tens of thousands of dollars--in fines issued by cops after the games. When the municipal government threatened to kick the club out, a cross-race and cross-class phalanx assaulted city hall. You ain't taking pro football from us. 

The Gyro King delivered Jerry Rice, Kevin Greene, Freddie Joe Nunn, and Emmanuel King, and there was considerable expectation he'd also "bring 'em Bo." Katsios--already on the hook for millions--would wince every time local media pestered him about. He hoped bringing in local boys like Bob Harris and Willie Totten--Rice's old quarterback at Mississippi Valley State, the launch pad of the Satellite Connection--would generate buzz, but no avail: fans gorged at the troth and wanted more. 

Dr. Doom Robert Brazile would've wiped out Bo talk if he wasn't 32 years old. Carl Bynum, another Delta Devil, was no consolation. Pappy met with Jackson just once, in January, the offer splashy--6 years, $9 million--but mostly imaginary: only $1 million guaranteed, the rest zero-coupons with maturations not even beginning until the 21st century. Katsios' offer may have contributed to the Heisman winner's jump to baseball: Tampa owner Hugh Culverhouse, already spooked by Kansas City, stressed over Pappy’s offer. Even with Rozelle offering to aid in cash, or an engineered trade to San Fran that would bring in Roger Craig and draft picks, Hugh instead further damaged his reputation by trying to execute a convoluted plot to get Bo deemed academically ineligible to play baseball, forcing him to sign with the Bucs. Katsios would withdraw the Ponies offer in exchange for the opportunity to directly negotiate with Creamsicile hold out Jeremiah Castille. Bo still took the baseball route, signing a 3-year, $1 million deal. Fans didn't turn against Pappy, but they did express disappointment in a very Southern sense, sharing blessings upon the owner's heart.