USFL '86: New Orleans, or, The Coming Schism

The defending champion New Orleans Breakers had a quiet '85; Risher failed to transcend like Jack did in '84, but he was consistent all year. Fan favorite Mark Schellen improved, drawing comparisons to a young John Riggins. Dupree broke 1,200 yards, but he battled small injuries all season; Frank Lockett was the only stand out receiver, but, again, a streak of ticky-tack injuries led to platooning, with rookie Eric Martin improving as the season shouldered on. Nothing really stood out on either side of the ball beyond bruiser Jearld Bayless, who anchored a slow line; former All-Pro E.J. Junior signed late and muddled through, with fans and the Picayune claiming it was drugs, but, in reality, he--like Dickerson and Deron Cherry--hadn't had an off-season. Hard to call them cursed when they just won a USFL title and finished 11-7, but long-suffering fans had expected more. The Breakers waned just as the Stallions found their trot. Birmingham would edge them out for home field then hang on for a 28-24 win in the Wild Card.

The Archbishop of New Orleans laid plans and assessed targets, but club owner Joe Canizaro would cry poor through the August and September raids. Peculiar given 40,000-paid attendance and The Church's coffers. Consulting a vast, national network of bored Priests and Priest-coaches at the high school and college level, His Eminence went to work. With Don Smith and Neil Elshire gone, the Archbishop directly signed ex-Skins Perry Moss, a native son, and Todd Leibenstein, who was still only 25. 

He worked back channels in Havana--stay behinds from the P2 Masonic Lodge--to secure the Guevara Procedure for fan-favorite and ex-Saint Hokie Gajan; Dick Coury converted him to tight end. Trusted monks got him into contact with rookies Tank Landry and Jackie Walker, a raw talent who had a better basketball career at Jackson State but who was Blessed by God to play football--6'5 and wide isn't great for a forward, but it is for a linebacker. LSU Boosters got Dalton Hillard on board. The Archbishop also secured a zero-interest "Shadow Loan" from the Vatican bank to keep the club afloat. 

Injuries to Greg Storr and Robert Pennywell opened up starting spots for Walker and Landry in training camp. Matt Robinson's demands for a new contract led to the emergence of Willie Gillus as Al's backup. A scrambler from Norfolk State, Father Alonzo of Richmond sent back a favorable report--he'd be a good option quarterback, perfect for Springball trends. Recently promoted offensive coordinator Johnnie Walton, the opposite in play style, also saw him as a good "fire and ice" compliment to Risher. Late camp adds Glen Kowalski and Herkie Walls, coming off injury, weren't even listed in the Picayune's transaction pages. The Breakers were mostly football for the boredom before fall and LSU, so if they managed to stay fun, all would be well. That Rozelle blocked the Saints move to Jacksonville also helped; the gold and black sort of social pariahs. 

Father Alonzo would disappear shortly after his findings on Gillus and would appear on Soviet state television in March '86, in a Vremya story honoring "overseas heroes." Fella was beaming in the clip as Kim Philby affixed a metal to his chest. The Archbishop paid no mind: he was much more ideologically flexible than his close friend, the Archbishop of Chicago, who was purging Vatican II laymen and studying video of Notre Dame junior Steve Beuerlein.