USFL '86: Washington, or, Bedtime for Bonzo

That Washington "weren't just the Federals, but the Feds," shifted from joke to legitimate accusation heading into year four. '85 a catastrophe: 5-13, marred by erratic play and injuries. Curtis Bledsoe had another strong year--he broke 200 yards four times, but they won only one of those games. Rookie George Adams showed signs of being a star, but began to fade on the backend. Reggie Collier jumped to Dallas--commencing the Shadow Market--just ahead of Week 14, bumping up Mike Honesee, who didn’t make an appearance. They fired white-plumed Ray Jauch in the midst of a nine game losing streak that finally ended with a comeback win over Pittsburgh in Week 17. Accusations of ties to the Military Industrial Complex choked the sports newsletters and Electronic Bulletin Boards of both the Trotsykists and Birchers. The Feds broke 40,000 at RFK three times, all on appreciation games: God Bless Our Defense Contractors (43,268), God Bless Our Military (49,000), God Bless Our Intelligence Agencies (43,856). An honoring of Mujahedeen at halftime against Pittsburgh was the smallest crowd of the year--just 13,180--on Anti-Communism Day no less.

The Redskins threw up every barrier to the Feds success--cutting off access to facilities, jacking up rent, double booking game days--before suddenly backed off after the White House threatened civil rights action regarding their name and logo; highly unusual given our national fugue state. The Skins even cut rent. Rumors that Reagan himself personally called George Allen to “come and coach our able-bodied green men” were not confirmed, but not dispelled either. Allen aggressively pursued rookies and veterans, outbidding the Skins for veteran Falcons holdout R.C. Thielemann. One of three former Dirty Birds to jump, along with Don Smith to Pittsburgh and Warren Bryant in Tampa; the deal also cratered an R.C.-for-Charlie Brown trade; the receiver and Super Bowl XVII hero was moved to Atlanta for a pick. Ex-Clemson star and CFLer Homer Jordan signed; ex-Colt Bubba Green--who hadn’t been an NFL starter since ‘81 in Baltimore--got the biggest paycheck of his career; Tommy Vigorito pleased Langley and the NOVA set. 

More interesting, however, was their raid on rookies. After another stalled talk with the Halas Scions, Mike Ditka, and a mediating Archbishop of Chicago, William Perry described encountering a “Robert Stack-looking dude” in a Loop parking garage. The mysterious fellow, stinking of Brut and Camels, offered the top prospect $1.9 million over 4 years to sign with the Feds. Perry took it. Dino Hackett--younger brother of San Antonio tight end/slot back Joey Hackett--described a similar encounter after a sparsely attended Pro Day in Asheville, North Carolina. The only difference was that the approaching “agent” more resembled Gene Hackman. Mike Haight, their top pick in the open draft, was eating at a Pizza Ranch in Sioux City, Iowa, when someone who “looked like the guy from Jaws”--secondary reports were conflicting: with some saying William Holden and others Roy Schieder--presented an 8-year, $5 million offer, half that deferred in a tax-exempt account. Rather than meet Bledsoe’s demands, the club traded the back to Baltimore for Mark Kelso and the rights to Midshipman Napoleon McCallum; NFL clubs were interested in the back, but mandatory military service hurt his draft status. When Annalopolis granted him an exemption--basically a weekly desk job--if he signed with the Feds, Rozelle reportedly turned ghost white. There was much to think about.