'87 In Review: A Grand Summary

The 68th season of the National football league saw saw high-scoring games, the greatest comeback in playoff history, a genuinely exciting Super Bowl, four ugly ducklings become swans, and a Black Swan disturb the closed pond.

The Browns finished 13-3 to win the AFC Central for the third straight year and fourth time in the decade. Tom Flores would lead a revamped Raiders an AFC West title with a record of 13-3, returning to the playoffs for the first time since 1984. The Oilers and Colts--who both finished 2-14 in ‘86--would see remarkable turnarounds. Indianapolis would clinch the AFC East on the final day of the season with a record of 10-5-1. Houston would win seven of their last eight to finish 10-6 and clinch a wild card spot alongside the 10-6 Miami Dolphins. Cleveland would defeat Indy in the divisional round, 24-13; Houston would dominate Miami 38-14; in the first ever playoff meeting between African-American quarterbacks, Warren Moon and the Oilers defense would surprise Doug Williams and the heavily favored Raiders, 40-24, to make their first AFC title game since 1979. Love Ya Blue’s luck would run out a week later, however, as Cleveland cruised in the title game, 38-24.

The Cardinals finished a league best 14-2, their best record since relocation in 1960, to three-peat as NFC East winners. The New Orleans Saints would have a year to remember, posting their first winning season ever (11-5), their first NFC West title ever, and, eventually, their first playoff win ever, defeating the equally surprising Bucs, who finished a club-record 12-4 and clinched their first division title since 1979. Minnesota (10-6) and San Francisco (9-7) both clinched wild cards on the last day of the season. The Vikings would come back from a 24-0 deficit to defeat the Niners. 36-34, but would fall to Big Red in the divisional playoff, 26-17. The Saints intercepted Steve Young an NFL playoff record seven times in a 44-14 route. St. Louis became the third straight Super Bowl first-time--after the ‘85 Bears and ‘86 Browns--beating New Orleans 40-29. 

The 1987 season would see the further opening of the offense; in response, Buddy Ryan’s 46 defense took further hold throughout the league, for better or worse for specific clubs. A detente with the USFL came into effect, and a transfer window system restricted player movement and club spending, though the NFL still snapped up USFL players and the USFL still managed to clip high-round college talent. The Plan B Free Agency system, which allowed players out of contract to pursue other offers while still allowing the original club to match, led to some interesting player movement. The stock market crash in October--despite media and overlord claims of being an “aberration”--drove the country into recession at a critical point of relations with a re-fortifying Soviet Union. The “aberration” also reached sports, nearly destroying the USFL’s best run club--the Birmingham Stallions--and forcing the sale of the New England Patriots. It was another fun as hell year.

‘87 By the Numbers

The Cardinals set a new record for points scored in a season with 652, an average of 41.1 PPG. It is very strange to say a finesse club with two stellar receivers, a confident quarterback at that sweet spot of his career (where dexterity and strategy form a perfect union), three very good running backs and one surprising one, and two tight ends who could start anywhere in the league, "gritted" or "toughed out" this achievement by never breaking 60 or 70 like some other clubs did this season, but this is the era we leave in, one of speed and cancerous growth of all teeth and hair and cartilage. One could call them the "Big Red Army" if the kulaks in Florissant and St. Charles didn't get wound up about the name (some did for a week, rolling out a banner in Week 13 against Washington that quickly disappeared), but that moniker seemed to fit for a team that rolled everyone through cooperation. Lomax had gaudy numbers as usual, but those gaudy numbers were dispersed widely: Green and Smith combined for over 2,000 yards, Stump had more 100 more yards receiving (772) than rushing (622), Awalt another 590. These didn't seem so spectacular next to Carter in Tampa, or Clayton in Miami, or Mayes in New Orleans (Ferrell, Mitchell, and Sikahema all barely combined for the same yardage). The Communards (credit Plympton in a breezy essay for SI in November) played with brutal efficiency, tallying 40 or 50+ against some good teams (their 52-21 bombing of Bill Walsh in Week 6 remains a head scratcher months later), while beating the bad clubs (a 57-14 season opener against Walker and the Cowboys). 

Five clubs broke 500, and maybe the Raiders (540) and Houston (533) were the only clubs of the quintet as balanced in their attack as St. Louis. James Lofton and Todd Christiansen frustrated secondaries as much as Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen broke double lines; Moon spread it out to Givens, Jeffires, and Duncan when Rozier and Wallace weren't finding slipstreams or bashing heads. Miami (533) and Tampa Bay (578) were built on big honking arms, pinpoint and reckless, while Indianapolis (534) relied heavily on swiss army knife Eric Dickerson (though Brooks and Jackie Flowers had some moments). 

The Falcons (376) and Lions (327) were the lowest scoring teams in the league in ‘87; part of this was general anemia, yes, but also quarterbacks trying to do too much. The local beat reporter in East Lansing compared Eric Hipple’s season to a passion play--his weekly torture and agony was an integral part of being fan of him (Hipple did throw for 3,191 yards alongside 25 and 16 picks) and the team; it felt the same way seeing David Archer in Atlanta, though his talent has been steadily degenerating the last two years and his NFL career was effectively over by Week 8. Rookie Jim Harbaugh’s move into the starting role brought some optimism, as his recklessness at least indicated an upward trajectory; he also had much better offensive weapons in Dixon and Riggs. What makes it feel like we have entered a new Zone, though, is that both of these club’s offense outputs in even ‘84 would’ve at least got them to 8-8 or 9-7. 

Cleveland (477), the eventual Super Bowl champions, didn’t look as flashy as last year’s club, but this is why data-driven work only tells the smallest, boringest sliver. Kosar dealt with stiff knees and hands in the season’s back-end, giving ex-USFL star (and ex-Falcon) Walter Lewis some looks (he would go 4-2 in six starts). Shifting roles for Mack and Byner and Slaughter’s emergence as a top receiver made for more boring wins; ‘87 was certainly not as magical as ‘86, but a fan could appreciate the efficiency for now. 

Dan Marino (MIA) narrowly missed his third 5,000 yard passing season, finishing with a league leading 4,927 yards. Four quarterbacks threw for over 4,000 yards; along with Dandy Dan, Steve Young (TB, 4,550), Neil Lomax (StL, 4,423, his third 4,000 yard season in four years), and Warren Moon (HOU, 4,146) all had career years; ten other quarterbacks threw for over 3,000, including first-timers Randall Cunningham (PHI, 3,730) and Chuck Fusina (GB, 3,128). Vinny Testaverde (IND) was the only rookie quarterback to throw for over 3,000, coming close to Bernie Kosar’s rookie record with 3,169--to be fair, Vinny was the only consistent rookie starter. Steve Beuerlein (CHI), who usurped newfound Warrior Poet Monk Jim McMahon by Week 8, was on pace for 4k (2,275); he also threw 19 touchdowns and just 3 picks (he had the lowest interception in the league, and ever for a rookie with at least 8 starts, with 2.4%). Jim Harbaugh (ATL), the other high-profile rookie, threw for more in a three receiver setup (2,622) but he also had the second most picks of any quarterback at 19 in just 9 games. 

Marino led the league with 43 touchdown passes; Lomax was just one behind (42). Young (TB) and John Elway (DEN) were just behind at 39 each. Rumbling of The Broncos slinger as a bust have percolated after back-to-back 8-8 campaigns in ‘85 and 86, but they sort of subsided this year--while Denver failed to make the playoffs again at 9-7, Elway had arguably his best season so far, at least from a statistical perspective (he was one of the ten at 3,251). Elway also threw much better than the more reckless Young, tossing just 5 picks to the “Stormin’ Mormon”’s league leading 25. Vinny finished with 28 touchdowns, also a rookie record. 

Moon had the single most impressive game of the season, throwing for 568 yards and 8 touchdowns (an NFL record) in Week 11 against the Colts. Marino flirted with 500 a few times this season, but a stronger running game this season thanks to rookie Troy Stratford and prodigal son David Overstreet helped lift a heavy load. 

Reuben Mayes (NO), who went down with a leg injury in Week 15, finished 90 yards short of the important mark of 2,000 rushing yards, finishing the season with 1,910. Charles White nearly had Rams fans forgetting Eric Dickerson at times; the redemption man finished ‘87 with a career high 1,874 and punched in 24. Mike Rozier (HOU) led the AFC with 1,440; Curt Warner (SEA) wasn't far behind despite a string of knicks and dings that would see him either get pulled or miss a game entirely. Larry Kinnebrew (CIN) would be the lone bright spot--and Pro Bowl selection--for the Bengals in ‘87, rushing for 1,303 and 11 to go with 474 receiving yards and 8 touchdown catches; he was one of a number of running backs who adapted to the ever increasingly airborne-nature of our modern game. 

The single-game rushing record was broken for the fourth straight year; this time by Herschel Walker, who ran for 340 and an NFL record 8 touchdowns against the Buffalo Bills in Week 3 (earlier that day, Bo Jackson set the rushing touchdown record with 7 along with 250 against the Oilers). 

Three running backs would rush for 300 yards in a game this season. Along with Walker, Gerald Riggs and Curt Warner would break the once seemingly unattainable mark--Warner rushed for 308 yards against Miami in Week 4, Riggs ran for 301 (the second 300 yard game of his career) against Cincinnati in Week 10. 

The most impressive, and quietest, season in NFL history belonged to league MVP Darrin Nelson (MIN), who had the first 3,000 all-purpose yard season in NFL history: not only did he lead the Vikings in rushing with 1,124 yards and 11 touchdowns, he caught 20 for 429 yards and 3 touchdowns, and had 73 kick returns for a league leading 1,537 yards (3,126). 

***

Like everything in Reagan America, dweebs in big glasses package old concepts as innovation to justify their systematic stripping of any material comfort (not that the old concept is bad, just the faux marble wipes out any connection to history). Pete Axhelm called then "two-prongers," Jimmy the Greek resituated "platooner," Bill Simmons, BircherSports'  teenage Prodigy columnist turned Holy Cross-freshman weekly Campus Commentator called them "dual-threats," (keeping with the org's militaristic language). Whatever one called them, ‘87 saw many veteran running backs split time between gut splitting and fourth- fifth-option route sneaking; “adding value and increasing productivity” as the nerds like to say. The new “trend” (it should be noted that ‘20s, ‘30s, and ‘40s player roles were so ill-defined that they were basically artisans doing the same stuff) probably contributed to the era’s faster pace and more exciting games.

Havana doctors did wonders for Payton (CHI) after ‘85, and while he failed to reach 1,000 yards for the first time in his 13 year career, Sweetness finished ‘87 with 1,268 yards (929 rushing, 339 receiving), and 17 touchdowns; the Bears veteran remained the team’s top offensive target (Neal Anderson, the heir apparent had a solid season too, and clearer split of duties, running for 652 and catching 679, with 6 rushing touchdowns and 8 receiving). James Jones (DET) pulled a Lionel James, shifting more into a receiving target, hauling in 954 yards to barely breaking 200 yards rushing, but this also seemed to be a necessity of sorts, as everyone seemed to have stigmata every week, unable to catch passes or tackle third stringers. While White served a traditional role in Orange County, Eric Dickerson’s first season with the Colts saw him return to the critical 1,000 yard measurement (1,289), while also contributing as that fourth-fifth option in Indy, finishing with 297 on just 11 catches. Browns bruiser Kevin Mack ran for 815 and 17 and caught for 641 with 7; making him only more frustrating to deal with. 

It wasn’t just the older guys. Once defenses started to figure out how to plug up Bo Jackson (RAI) and Herschel Walker (DAL)--partly helped from a lack of creativity in running routes compounded by injuries to veteran partners Marcus Allen and Tony Dorsett--even the two archetype dead ball runners started finding new life as receivers: Walker would have 2,004 combined yards and 27 touchdowns (1,185-19 and 819-8); Bo only added 234 to his rushing total of 1,234. Rookie Troy Stratford (MIA) finally proved to be the right running back for Marino and Miami’s offense--the Boston College standout and ‘87 4th rounder caught (662) for nearly 300 yards more than he ran (363). 

***

The USFL, at least in its 83-85 form, might have helped accelerate The League’s acceptance, as ‘87 saw “platooner”/lateral quarterbacks--Cunnigham in Philly, Collier in Dallas, Lewis in Cleveland, Chuck Long in Detroit, Young, Elway, and Vinny--all scramble and allude defenders fairly consistently; Randall’s 718 rushing yards led the Eagles, and was the 11th best in the NFC (his 15 rushing touchdowns were 11th best in the league); Testaverde was second only to Dickerson on his club with 334, as well as Elway, whose 572 was a career-high and second-best behind Sammy Winder (this might be a reason why the 9-7 Broncos would pursue Tony Dorsett in the ‘88 off-season). 

Probably the true innovation was that receivers were "cool as hell" as the teens called them (this isn't an innovation--since humanity's fire colescation, we all admire individual talent and bravery for the group --ed.). Gerald Carter (TB) and Mark Clayton (MIA) broke 2,000 receiving yards each this season, with 2,408 and 2,021 respectively. They joined Mike Quick from '85 and Mark Duper, who had a league record 2,550 in '86 (Terry Greer, who would sign with the Browns in '88, had the first 2,000-yard receiving season in professional football history with the CFL's Toronto Argonauts in '83). Carter also tied Duper’s NFL record with 27 touchdown receptions.

Jackie Flowers, Sylvester Stamps, and Calvin Thomas all returned kick-offs for touchdowns this season, Flowers would return two in the rout of the Jets, joining Brian Brennan who accomplished the feat back in '85. 

There were more 60+ point games this season than even last year, with two clubs involved in multiple games:

Week 3 Dallas 65, Buffalo 7

Week 3 Raiders 72, Houston 35

Week 4 Raiders 63, Kansas City 33

Week 5 Indianapolis 63, Jets 13

Week 9 Indianapolis 69, San Diego 27

Week 12 Houston 71, Indianapolis 34

The Houston Oilers were the first team in NFL history to be involved in two 70+ pt games in a single season: Blue's passion proved unwanted, as they gave up 72 to the Raiders in Week 3, 72-35, only to regain the Love Ya in Week 12, scoring 71 against Indianapolis. 

The Colts scored 60+ twice, defeating the New York Jets 63-13 at the Hoosier Dome in Week 5, and the San Diego Chargers, again at home, in Week 9, 69-27.

After starting the year 0-2 (which included Detroit's only win of the year), Tom Flores finally figured out how to use Bo (a series of memorandums dubbed "suggestions" from Shadow Personnel Analyst Luther Nightingale helped a little); the Raiders would win 9 straight; they scored 172 points in the first three--72 against the Oilers, 63 against the Chiefs, 50 against the Broncos. A "tired hip" would slow Bo down a little through the season, and defenses would start to plan around him, but Williams, Lofton, and the aging Allen kept clubs on their toes.

Many clubs broke 50 in '87--even the lowly Falcons, who hammered the Bengals 56-14 for their first win of the year.

The safety has fast become a key scoring strategy in this live-ball era we live in, with a record 37 scored this season, with numerous multiple safety games--the Eagles scored 4 points in the second quarter against Buffalo in Week 16; the Browns beat the Niners in Week 12, 27-21, by almost CFL standards: two safeties (4), three field goals (9) and two touchdowns (14) (It should be noted that the Browns scored two safeties in their Super Bowl XXI win against the Rams--ed.); the Browns, Bucs, Cardinals, Colts, Chiefs, and Saints all tied the Rams' '84 record of 3 safeties in a game this year.

For all the blowouts and weird scoring, we also had numerous close games; '87 saw a record 18 contests go to overtime (the Bears would go to OT three times in their first 4 games, losing all of them); we also had a tied game for the third straight year, when the Colts and Bills drew 28-28 in Week 4.

The Bills were also the only team to suffer a shutout in '87; it happened twice--a 58-0 loss to the Dolphins in Week 6 and a 52-0 loss to the Jets in Week 10. Some Buffalo fans wondered if Detroit was actually better, at least they hung around at times. Which hell do you want, might be the question? Either way, hell was probably better than living and witnessing this team; at least in hell, your actions no longer had consequences. 

(Something the reactionary wing of football fans don’t consider in their analysis--and why would they?--is also something our own author doesn’t figure in sometimes, even as I try to point it out in the margins of the drafts to these annuals: is there a correlation between the NFL’s decision in 1985 to determine tiebreakers by point differential,and points scored/allowed? Divisional records, out of conference performance, etc.--original determiners for breaking ties--now relegate themselves to statistical curios; they only matter now in the construction of narratives for Bob Costas in pre-game or year-in-reviews, or poorly organized retrospectives by clammy veteran sports writers. The need to blow out clubs, particularly in the final games of the season, must sit in the mind of coaches; to constantly attack, to salt the earth after them. This might be worth consideration. The lust to keep the graph of productivity ever resembling a rocket, player and coach health be damned--ed.) 

***

It is hard to comment on defensive trends in ‘87 other than to paraphrase the numerous WWII veterans and their middle-aged sons whom all thought they fought in WWII (I blame Combat and Rat Patrol--ed.), hiding from their wives at the Elks Lodge while failing to connect with each other: “does anybody play defense?” St. Louis gave up the fewest points in the league (377); the Niners defense were ranked number one but still gave up 4,230 yards (3,277 passing and 953 rushing). To look at defense with a wide lens, as if we are piloting an SR-71 and taking photos at the toy palaces that are stadiums, or looking at dot-matrix printouts or telexes of scores, would be too flattening; there were many individual player achievements and individual moments and highlights that express something else is going on, maybe. That defense in this new coked-up, high-speed technological age mirrors the league’s wild offensive trends.

The single-season sack record has been--or nearly been--obliterated in the back-end of this chaotic, miserable decade. It doesn’t seem unusual to see a guy rack up 30 in a season now (though the league’s own definition and tracking of this stat is suspect at best--ed.). 

Tampa rookie Greg Lloyd and veteran Buddy Curry (IND) would point to something else--the game has started to muddy its war metaphor, moving into its own scorched-earth violence. Until the end of January, Lloyd officially had 61 quarterback sacks in 16 starts in ‘87 (an average of 5.1 a game); Curry had 51 in 16 starts. Right behind them was Bob Clasby (StL, 39) and Reggie White (PHI, 27). Watching any Buc or Colt game from the season, one would likely agree these numbers were accurate by the sheer number of times watching the heads of Jim Kelly or Eric Hipple bounce off the carpet. 

The NFL would revise numbers on February 23, a week before Plan B Free Agency. Citing a computational error, Lloyd finished ‘87 “actually” sacking quarterbacks 37 times; Curry’s tally was 33. Clasby was downgraded to 24. White’s numbers were considered “authentic.”  

Blame our decisions to offload all thought, political or otherwise, onto technology: during winter meetings ahead of ‘87, the NFL announced a $35 million investment in The STATATRON (™), a “logistics and data-collection tool” from NCR, that would hopefully replace spotters and counters with a finally “objective” perspective.

STATATRON (™) consists of a rail track that surrounds the entire field and two Canon (™) optical lenses and custom-made NCR infrared scanners mounted on wheels, always on the opposite side of each other. The STATATRON (™) ReCEPTors (™) line up along scrimmage and follow the quarterback either by human-piloted remote control or via custom artificial intelligence. The lens takes rapid-speed photos at the end of the play until the infrared beam is “broken” by an opposing player. The photos are rapidly sent, digitally, to STATATRON (™)’s electronic brain--a high quality PC Clone produced by NCR--where statistical data is collected, tabulated, and organized for the end-user. 

While the vision was to track all statistics with STATATRON™, the league decided to focus only on sacks as part of a test of the system in ‘87. It seemed to work through a whole game beyond occasional random fires. Nothing big, the ReCEPTors™ would go up in a little “poof” like any typical special effect. (That was, until they didn’t: Lionel Vital, a taxi squad call up from the Redskins suffered a hip injury when a ReCEPTor™ unit got stuck on the track, overheated, and exploded, unleashing plastic, metal, and bolts that struck the “fringe” player, likely ending his one shot. Chuck Bdinarik, living legend, was struck by an errant one while walking out onto the vet carpet during a half-time ceremony. Art Donavan vandalized a ReCEPTor™ during a sideline interview at RFK; the high-buzz of the whirring machines distracted a real yarn about him and Unitas meeting Tippi Hendren at a lobster bake for March of Dimes back in ‘61, and when he lost his train of thought a third time, he channeled his old self, squatting his still tank body and rushing an on-coming one, ripping it out of the track clean--ed.). These little fires most commonly happened with quick defense players like Reggie White (PHI), Lloyd (TB), or Sam Mills (NO); the raw data spat out to not just the League’s statistical tracker but directly to reporters from the UPI, AP, and NBC or CBS, which the league contributed to the errors: media outlets just went with the data and published them in the paper or directed the data straight to the graphics department. 

The dumb machines lacked nuance. Anything and everything was registered as a sack--when Collier (DAL) or Cunningham (PHI) or Big Vinny (IND) or Steve Young (TB) were clearly keeping the ball and trying to sling around and get brained behind scrimmage, STATATRON (™) recorded it as a sack. The NFL was disturbed by the endless rewriting of record books, prompting “corrections” and “objective adjustments” at the end of the season. They did this by nearly purely human means: they plucked bored Stanford and Berkeley students and those laid off after the October crash and had them pour over NFL Films and gametape to determine what was or wasn’t a sack, at $10 an hour--the stat tracker union wisely got all the new hires to sign cards right away. It was a herculean effort, but they managed to do it in time for the Super Bowl. 

Morenovism! The Birchers cried again. They all hated this new era of showboaters and high flyers, but they also recognized the highway robbery of a man’s individual achievements; “Are we no better than the Commies who rewrite history, BURN Jane Austen novels for being ‘bourgeois,’ claim something didn’t happen when we clearly all saw what DID HAPPEN, in front of our EYES. Are we not to believe Merlen Olsen?” scribbled Tarkenton in his February 23rd column, tucked away in his “Musings” subsection. It was a strangely ideologically clear huff. Didn’t go much further than that. 

It didn’t go much further than that because it really was all just aesthetics and the conservative mind can literally square anything if it benefits them materially and emotionally. Birchers tried to poke at all these trends in a variety of ways. One was that “Morenovism” seeped its way into the game by introducing “rugby” elements like running and scrambling and hot doggery lateralism (the Soviets field a rugby union team comprised of Georgians--Stalin was a Georgian!), which didn’t catch because one couldn’t make the appeal to an American populace who only knew that sport from fragmented depictions in Richard Harris movies or 4 am tape delays on SportsChannel; rugby was also popular with the Reaganite preppies, those in actual control who feed their hogs slop to keep them content. Alster Forum, a right-wing Canadian and occasional National Review columnist, wrote a piece for the Bircher newsletter decrying the “Canukification of the American Form”--the spread offenses, easier safeties, red-zone wheel routes, and black quarterbacks distinct to the Canadian game were migrating their way South; "what's next? Socialized medicine?" Forum crowed, "imagine Donald Igwebuike being rewarded a point for one of his many misses... (very much racially coded here--the Bucs kicker had a stellar '87 and made the Pro Bowl while Eddie Murray and Norm Johnson and Afrikaner Gary Anderson shanked all season--ed.) ...the lack of integrity and order would make Charles Martel weep." 

Forum's arguments didn't work; so maybe the more libidinal would work. "I, for one, am really sick of this HOT DOG SHOW," blasted Fran in his BircherSports playoff preview. "What happened to the dust and blood and SLOW BUT REAL MEN, the UNFOLDING of BATTLE! I blame Lynn Swan and the menace of Soviet Ballet. And I blame urban modernity, I really do. The MINCIFICATION MUST STOP!" Not everyone agreed, even the fellow red bloods. All the critiques sort of worked on an ethereal level, but the lizard brains of NFL fans--particularly Houston fans who watched Moon down the stretch in '87--wouldn't let it stick. Ratings were up (attributed to the go-go free flow style of the game, reflective of Regannite aesthetics and Austrian School materialism), crowds were rowdy, Musburger and Costas respected. '87 provided the high drama, local bonding, and regional pride one gains from shared ritual, and, especially, the joy of complaining and argument; the NFL was one of the few places left for that in the culture, as those on top took economics and the material off the negotiation table.This shit was fun, brother, stop whining. 

Playoff Recap:

Wild Card

Houston 38, Miami 14: They taped Dandy Dan up again (you going to hand the reins to Jim Karsatos?), and for the second straight week he looked like the Mighty Casey of the poem, standing and whiffing most of the day (Childress and Bennett would lay him out a few times). Miami crumbled--the defense struggled with a hot Oilers line and the combo of Moon and Rozier, Shula and the coaching staff defaulted to long chucks because Hampton couldn’t hold on for even short runs; Clayton got shut down and Duper dropped passes. Thomas Everett even fumbled an interception in the third after the only good fish drive got it to 28-14 (Marino strung four beauties, finally connecting with Clayton, his first touchdown pass since Week 15). 

The Dolphins are the story here partly because the Oilers were so good. The flea flicker seemed only designed to pass from Rozier to Moon. Doug Smith returned a Marino fumble late in the third to ice it, 35-7. Glanville wore all black and looked like a cartoon hot dog link by the end, but what does that matter? 

San Francisco 34, Minnesota 36: REVENGE OF THE NORDS the Star-tribune proclaimed, as the Vikings came back from a 24-0 deficit to beat the Niners, the greatest comeback in NFL Playoff history. 

San Fran was quick out of the gate: Roger Craig ran for a 54-yard touchdown on the second play. Wade Wilson's first two passes were interceptions, which resulted in a further touchdown and a field goal. Minnesota fans, in all their dour Lutheranism, seemed to accept their fate when MVP candidate Darrin Nelson dislocated his knee ahead of their second drive. On the Vikings' third go around, Brent Fullwood fumbled a seven yard catch, which turned into a Montana touchdown pass to Mike Wilson, 24-0 just like that. The first quarter was a blur. It was time to secretly drink in the bathrooms and curse God and to publicly note their Pride for the Boys.

Enter Rich Gannon, the rookie from Delaware. His quick release and generally larger frame withstood San Fran pressure; his first play--a 15 yard completion to Brent Fullwood to end the first quarter would mark a tonal shift.

Enter James Brim, a former Wake Forest standout who spent the year impersonating Jerry Rice on the taxi squad, filled in for a sore Anthony Carter. On the first play of the second quarter, Brim would make a leaping grab at the 20 and run the rest of the way for a 45 yard touchdown catch, 24-7; rookie Henry Thomas would sack Montana twice, forcing the Niners back to their own four. The Jerry Rice reverse, usually so reliable--it was the play that got the Niners their second major in the first--would be a disaster: the star receiver pancaked by Chris Doleman in the end zone. 

The Niners' defense would generally hold up the rest of the half: Gannon would keep moving quickly, only to be stalled in crimson and gold territory, settling for two field goals and a Ronnie Lott pick (his second of the game). Minnesota's defense dug in and stifled Craig and Okoye, it was 24-15 at halftime.

Gannon and the Vikings opened the second-half with a long drive culminating in a diving Brim catch to make it 24-22; the Niners would have a long drive themselves, but failed to punch it in--Okoye started getting cement feet, the Vikings secondary hung on Wilson and Rice like wet blankets. San Fran settled for a Wersching field goal to take a 27-22 lead into the fourth.

The fourth would see two hamdingers: Gannon, facing third and long, would connect with Brim on a 54-yard spiral to give Minnesota their first lead of the game, 29-27; four plays later, Montana would match him, completing a 45-yard laser to Jerry Rice to retake the lead, 34-29. Minnesota went on its Long March, eating 5:13 of game clock. Facing another third and long, Gannon would find Brim at the fifteen. After a near pick by Ronnie Lott, Alfie Anderson would get 8 and then 4 to set up new downs at the 3. It took him three tries--two at the one--to finally score the go-ahead, 36-34, with 1:21 left. 

What seemed set for a classic Montana heartbreaker was for not--that was six years ago now, goddamn--as Henry Thomas and Chris Doleman each sacked joltin’ Joe, putting him in a 4th and 20 situation with :36 seconds left. Montana would complete a pass to Mike Wilson, but Wilson only made it 13 yards, sealing the upset. 

Gannon threw for 328, with 3 tds and a pick (the last play of the first half). Brim finished with 184 yards on just 5 catches, 3 of which were touchdowns. Rookie Henry Thomas sacked Montana six times, and contributed to the Rice safety. Rookie Brent Fulwood had an unsung day--while he only managed a single yard on four carries, the running back caught 7 passes for 78 yards, all at critical moments, redeeming that first fumble. 

Roger Craig had 3 carries for 92 yards and a touchdown in the loss; Rice caught just 4 passes for 89 yards, but one was the late long td catch. Montana finished with 123 yards and 2 touchdown passes; Walsh finished in tears. 

While the Vikings were so good in the 70s, this game felt like the one fans would remember for the coming decades. The future looked bright enough for shades. Tom Landry called to inquire about West Texas boy Wade Wilson but got rebuffed. 

BircherSports Cub Reporter and Campus Correspondent Bill Simmons would claim invention of “Revenge of the Nords”--to his credit, it was the name of his report of the game, “published” on the Prodigy “page” two hours after the contest. Dabbling in Tom Wolfe-style immersive journalism, Simmons discussed his experience watching the contest on a damp couch with his college buddies “House” and “Jack-O.” You wouldn’t know the game’s historical significance, or even what the hell happened in it, because much of the 2,000-word report focused on Gannon being a fourth-round pick by the Pats and how Raymond Berry screwed up in wanting to turn him into a running back (the Vikes got Rich for next-to-nothing during training camp). This led to a fever dream reflection on an imagined Gannon leading the Patriots to a Super Bowl win over Montana (which also included comeback wins against Marino and Kosar). What could’ve been, eh? Some extrapolated that this might be the reason, culturally, why the John Birch Society failed to gain any foothold in New England beyond New Hampshire: even the myopic, Boston-centered discourse of the most privileged kulak-class in America couldn’t see anything other than their greatest city in the world, home to “history,” tough cops, and Cheers. This was probably more irritating than hippies hanging out on 20 acres of land making compost piles and calling the cops on bike riders. 

Divisional Playoffs

Indianapolis 13, Cleveland 24: The Colts honestly only ran four plays all season and two involved Dickerson; the Browns knew it--two good Indy drives early ended in field goals. It was surprisingly close at halftime, with Cleveland leading 7-6, but Kosar broke the game open in the third, connecting with Kevin Mack on a long pass to get it to 14-6 (one of two touchdown catches for the big man); a shank by (Colts punter) gave the Browns a short field, which led Kosar to find Langhorne to make it 21-6. Eugene Daniels would intercept Kosar early in the 4th and return the pick 42 yards to make it 21-13 (their only touchdown), but Bob Golic, Eddie Johnson, and E.J. Junior would consistently layout Testaverde or Dickerson; Colts star linebacker Buddy Curry seemed disinterested all day (the Star would claim distracted--his aquarium chemical business was becoming an empire) and struggled to get through the Browns o-line, though he and Lockett did frustrate the running game, as Keinath used Mack, Fontenot, and Major Everett for a total of () yards. Kosar--who had missed the last few regular season games with a sore elbow--seemed to almost jaunt around behind his wall all day; Cleveland had the discipline of an old boring champion.

While collecting post-game interviews for the 11 ‘o’clock report, WISH-TV would catch footage of Buddy Curry donning a pith helmet, sunglasses, a lei, a hula shirt, bermuda shorts, and sandals. The linebacker seemed jubilant compared to everyone else. His shouting was largely inaudible; as he walked up through the dingy locker room, he stopped in front of the cameras and pronounced “See you later losers, I’m heading to Pretoria,” before sort of jaunting out, never to be seen again. 

The Browns would head to their third straight AFC title game while the Colts just looked happy to be playing for something other than a number one pick.

New Orleans 44, Tampa Bay 14: The first play of the game was the Buc's lone highlight: Greg Lloyd would strip Bobby Hebert and Ricky Reynolds would return the fumble for a touchdown to make it 7-0. It was all Saints from there, as the Dome Patrol blew through Tampa's o-line all day and the secondary formed a net. The combination of Young's slow side-arm delivery and his big, strategic, but plodding receivers proved a disaster; everyone except Lloyd looked like they were walking and running at the bottom of the ocean. Young would put together a few long, promising drives, but Maxie, Wymer, or Mills seemed to appear, as if via teleportation, to rob Carter, Carrier, Holloway, or Magee--Young threw an NFL record 7 picks. Carter--who caught the only offensive touchdown at the end of the first to tie it at 14--retired a day after the game.

Dalton Hilliard, still filling in for Mayes, ran for 217 yards and 3 touchdowns; Hebert ran in two and threw another to Jones. Sam Mills had two picks and a safety. It was a complete win. The Sombrero was so empty at the end, viewers of the broadcast could hear all of the "fucking come on man," "yeah but still" and weeping in the remaining patches of crowds; the scha-tick of the retracting metal shades along the Sombrero's rim drowned out Verne Lundquist calling Hebert's final rushing touchdown after the Wymer pick. Buc coach Chief Riel chewed so much Red Man while standing on the sideline--he barely moved the second-half--a pond of tobacco juice formed under his feet, staining his white and orange Nikes so bad that when a local reporter asked what he had stepped in to ruin those swell kicks, he replied "this fucking game!"

Houston 40, Raiders 24: After a rough start, Warren Moon put together another beauty, throwing for 387 and 4 touchdowns as the Oilers stunned the Raiders in a weird, (metaphorically) bloody game--Rozier and Jeffires would go down for the Oilers, while Bo would reinjure his hip.

LA scored first when Haywood Jeffires fumbled a 24-yard catch, which was recovered and returned 55 yards by Howie Long for a touchdown. At the end of the first, Jeffires would make a tremendous catch and run to the three, before Hayes swept him off his legs, knocking him out of the game. Ernest Jackson, the former Oklahoma State and Oklahoma Outlaws star, would punch it in, 7-7, the next play. 

A few plays later, Bo would run just three yards into the Oilers' line and not get up; Moon would lead another quick drive, connecting with Givins to give Houston the lead at halftime.

The Raiders would show some signs of life in the third, down 21-7. Part of this was due to some great catches by tight end Ethan Horton, filling in for a sore Christensen. Allen and Williams would exploit an inexplicable 4th down conversion attempt by Moon to make it 21-14; a fumble recovery put them close again, but the Oilers defense held, stifling Allen and breaking up a pass to Mervyn Ferenandez. LA settled for a field goal, 21-17. The flea flicker worked all day--having a good line and laser-precise qb helps--and Moon would lead a fast drive culminating in a leaping Ray Wallace catch to make it 28-17.

And that's how it went: anytime LA got something going, Moon schooled them like they were Ottawa or Winnipeg. Lofton capped off an arduous drive that made it 28-24, then Moon would just hit Hill or Givins. Down 35-24, a desperate Doug Williams would be tripped into the end zone by Ray Childress on a run around. 

Davis, going like a chimney, sat quietly in a cloud at the end of the game, mapping out the '88 draft. Shadow Personnel Analyst Luther Bringhurst put on his black gloves and clicked his knuckles.

Jerry Glanville looked high on his own supply by the end; that shit-eating grin captured in the NFL Films season-in-review, Progress of the Spirit.

Minnesota 17, St. Louis 26: Rich Gannon wasn’t allowed to go rogue until it was too late; a conservative offensive plan--little 1st and 2nd down runs by Fullwood and Anderson got them nowhere; by third down, the Cards secondary resembled the SDI, shutting off long lanes for Lewis and Brim. The Vikes defense played high-motor in the first half--St. Louis only led 7-0 at half--but a 4 and 5 gamble by Lomax resulted in a J.T. Smith touchdown, and the Minnesota defense broke down, 14-0.

Brim would catch a long pass from Gannon to make it 14-7, but the Cardinals dominated time of the position the rest of the way; Niko Noga would Rich into his own end zone to make it 23-10. The last Vikings scoring drive--another touchdown pass to Brim--came in the final two minutes. So Minnesota returned to its natural state, leaving fans to quiet contemplation of God’s indecipherable ways, His ability to take as much as He could give. 

Conference Championships

Houston 24, Cleveland 38: Protestants don't believe in curses; stop being negative, this is just God testing you on your Personal Quest of Salvation. No Jeffires or Rozier, and now no Warren Moon, clutching his shoulder just two plays in, shuffling off the field. Jerry Glanville bit the inside of his cheek so hard he spit blood. 

Brent Pease and Ernest Anderson did their best with the situation; Houston actually led 10-3 into the second, but Kosar and crew were too tough. The Browns’ line never broke, giving Cleveland’s Native Son all day in the backfield. Kosar threw for a career, and club playoff, best 427 yards. Houston failed to exploit two Bostic picks. 

It was one of those games where it was hard to fault the loser--they were being tested, certainly, but more to show a brighter path in the future. Glanville gnawed the inside of his cheek so bad all game--he was trying to quit the Beech-Nut--that he could barely speak to Ahmad Rashad in post-game (that ain’t just the self-mutilation but nicotine withdrawal, we’ve all been their champ--ed.). Cleveland was headed to their second straight Super Bowl, can you imagine?  

New Orleans 29, St. Louis 40: Mora going with a healthy Mayes over the hot feet of Hilliard wasn't what fell the Saints--Rueben would run for an NFL playoff record 331 yards--but erratic play calling and an overworked defense. Facing the NFL's top club and hottest quarterback contributed.

It was a tight game well into the third--the Saints led 10-2 before Lomax would connect with Smith on a gutsy 4th and 8 to end the first at 10-9, field goal swaps kept New Orleans up 13-12 at half before Big Red retook the lead at 19-16. The Communards finally blew it open. The Saints secondary--so dominant the week before--could not stop Smith, Green, and Awalt and Harris' dizzying combination of all three. Lomax running in on his own to make it 33-16 at the start of the fourth was the final blow.

Bobby Hebert struggled with the speed of everything; two questionable 4th down attempts early in the last frame setup Cards touchdowns. Down 40-16, Mayes would run through the St. Louis defense twice but it was too little too late. The Picayune pondered why Mora didn't call on him more consistently. 

Voltaire never smiled, clapped, and nodded at the same time, but he did this day and with time left on the clock (26 seconds); this drove Freddie Joe Nunn to tears. They all lifted their coach up so easily. He's lithe, remember. 

Morenov sent a short telex congratulating the (quasi-) socially owned club, pointing to them as an exemplar of discipline and rational planning. 

Super Bowl XXII

Cleveland 21, St. Louis 17: Major sports media (The Big 3, ESPN, Sporting News, SI, Sport, etc.) pushed The Great Offshoring angle to this matchup--two once great cities, in Real America, restored to glory through their football teams--while BircherSports and others tried to fold it into a wider Cold War Conflict: Patriots Committed to the American Dream (Browns) versus Foreign Insurgents (the “publicly” owned Cardinals, “The Communards”). Neither quite played well as this was one of the lowest rated Super Bowls in history, though the 36 million who stuck through the entire game were not disappointed. Later on, Steve Sabol would dub it “The Forgotten Classic,” comparing it to the two Dallas-Pittsburgh titles of the ‘70s.

The Communards established early control, exploiting a short kick by Jaeger early to take a 3-0 lead; Carl Carter--the game’s MVP, the first selected from a losing team since Dallas’ Chuck Howley in ‘70--would pick Kosar on his first pass attempt, one of a Super Bowl record tying 3 (Oakland’s Rod Martin picked Jaws thrice in Super Bowl XV--that Carter did it for the losing team, might have influenced MVP voting, as he was clearly the best defensive player on the field throughout, and Kosar had a weak game, and Byner only came on late--ed.); the Browns would recover, however, with Bernie connecting on a long pass to Newsome to make it 7-3.

Earl Ferrell would catch a perfect arc--one of many--from Lomax at the 20 and run to open pasture early in the 2nd to make it 10-7. While Cleveland’s defense eventually overpowered Lomax’s good but old o-line, the Card’s defense--smaller but quicker--frustrated Cleveland through the second quarter; Carter would pick Kosar in the back of the end zone on a long, arduous drive that took over six minutes and might have led some fans--used to the season’s cocaine-speed--to switch to NBC’s L.A. Law twofer (But they are a shallow people in their shallow homes, largely armed to the teeth for an army of ghosts who will arrive for not them, but their sons and grandsons.--ed.). 

In a play evaluated after the season--coach Voltaire Harris denied having it on loop on a 15” Commodore monitor in his office--Robert Awalt would catch a Lomax pass and get to the Cleveland 32, within Gallery’s range, with 11 second left. Rather than try to roll out of bounce, Awalt tried to push through Felix Wright, bleeding the final seconds; the St. Louis tight end crumpled into the Cleveland safety’s warm embrace. 

At about 1:40 left in the 3rd and facing 4th and 1, Bernie, under pressure, would find Ozzie Newsome on another long pass; Carter kept him out of the end zone, but the Browns now stood at the goal line. Byner would punch it in a play later, giving the defending champs the lead again, 14-10.

The Browns looked ready to put it away early in the 4th with a long march, but Carter picked Kosar a third time with 7:38 left. Lomax and crew may have worked too quickly, taking the lead on a Mitchell run at 4:17 remaining, 17-14.

After a few minutes of back-and-forth, with Kosar and Lomax looking for home runs, Cleveland started their game winning drive at their 28 with 1:51 left. Coach Marc Keinath had Byner run the ball down their throat, with Bernie completing critical, short passes to Newsome and Mack to keep the drive going. They didn’t take a time out until they got to the Big Red five with 30 seconds left. In a moment, replayed the next year in NFL Films docs and Big 3 and ESPN introduction, Byner would swing to the left and dodge a diving Niko Noga to run in the game winner; 21-17. 

Lomax finished with 238 yards and 1 touchdown; Kosar would finish with 237-1-3. Byner only had 72 rushing yards, but two Browns touchdowns and a second ring. Modell still bitched about profit margins while Harris, through wet eyes, apologized to his city from the tarmac again. It was the second knife to the gut in less than four months for the folks on the Missip’--an 85-77 Twins team disposed of the primary Cardinals back in October. 

It was all spun as a sentimental American story, a real, “tough” game after a year of innovation and hot-doggery. BircherSports and The National Review would point to it as another triumph of the ingenuity and dynamism of individualistic, market-based solutions versus central planning (the actual day-to-day of Grid Card business looked more structured around anarcho-syndicalist lines, but you can’t argue these things when the other side lacks a soul or critical thinking that can see beyond the system they have all have crafted or accepted.--ed.). An oddly compelling, traditional end to a very weird, wild year. 

Other Observations of ‘87

• The Seahawks were this year's 10-6 team to miss the playoffs, losing on point differential to Houston despite a 45-20 win over the Chiefs in their finale (the Oilers locked through their 7-1 run and by blowing out the Bengals, 53-16). Despite winning five straight to close out 9-7, the Eagles missed by a narrow margin in the NFC to San Francisco. League owners finally acted--"compromised" revenue after the USFL decision and flagging ratings (they had lost 0.2 points according to Neilsen only to bounce back after The Crash) led the league to vote in favor of adding a sixth wild card team by 1990. Tarkenton--who railed in '86 about the two 10-6  crybabies who missed out (the Steelers and the Falcons)--wetted the old tongue for boot-licking, briefly praising the "very smart" move to "secure new revenue streams and fan attention."

• Ratings were barely down but part of that might have to do with broadening cable options and other diversions in our diverting era. The crash in mid-October saw ratings return--anything to get your mind off business cycles--but that still didn't help boost revenue. Ad buys were disappointing, credit lines were drying up, etc. France and Japan were doing backdoor trade deals behind the Iron Curtain. JP II hanging out with the Soviet Premier, another tax cut at the top. Felt like drowning everyday. 

• Detroit would lose 14 straight games after a promising 34-23 win over the Raiders in Week 2. It was the third such “long season” in the decade, after the '80 Saints (who were also coming off a near division title season that petered out to 8-8 in ‘79) and the '81 Colts, who had a more catholic misery, losing their 14 after a promising 2-0 start that year.

• On this ecstasy of torture and penitence (which actually frees us? asks every boiler broker in Queens), the Bills went winless in the back-half to finish 3-12-1, not the way they expected to go; after starting winless in their first four (0-3-1), they would win 3 of four before the descent. Some cite Kelly's brutal concussion against Miami in Week 6 and never quite recovering--the usually genteel Levy, exasperated by the media barrage asked them to leave the young man alone very tersely; Putt Choate was clearer, telling local outlets that "[Kelly’s] shit got wrecked," which then started a brief hysteria about urban language infiltrating our most prestigious institutions (Choate is white--ed.). As if the dark gray clouds and loss of brutal but respectable paying jobs wasn't enough. Choate would be an outright cut at the end of the season. The stated reason was to make room for Ken Norton, Jr.; Birchers claimed “reverse-racism,” while kulaks blamed bleeding-hearts--so what he swore? Anyone who saw Norton in college knew that the stated reason was probably the most accurate. 

• The Cardinals finished 14-2 and saw a dramatic increase in attendance (55,000 was the average, with five sellouts) and while the season ended in disappointment, residents were pleased with the $363.47 dividend payment delivered on March 1st. Too bad some of that was spent on Imo's.

• There were five African American starting quarterbacks in the NFL in ‘87: Reggie Collier in Dallas (though he did split time with Pelleur for some reason, even though the pokes started 5-2 with him), Doug Williams with the Raiders, Warren Moon with the Oilers, and Randall Cunningham with the Eagles; Walter Lewis went 4-2 in six starts with the Browns and became the second black quarterback to win a Super Bowl ring, after Pittsburgh’s Joe Gilliam. Liberal sports fans--the George Plymptons and the hard drinking types who sold a novel and four screenplays before moving to Montana and marrying their maid--made note and hay. This isn’t to degenerate the media’s celebration of representation as millions are homeless and dying in the the streets; seeing these guys get a shot is something, especially given that just a decade ago, the Patriots wanted to use Condrerdge Holloway as a defensive back while Rusty Lisch collected NFL paychecks for four years despite career stats of 547 yards, 1 touchdown, and 11 picks--that lone major a one yard shovel pass to Doug Marsh (Teen correspondent Bill Simmons threatened to sue over “harassment” when our author wrote a letter pointing this out to him. Simmons wrote a particularly egregious piece for BircherSports’ Prodigy page questioning why the Patriots have “never had a good quarterback.” Our author simply pointed out that they could’ve had Holloway but Boston is Boston like Chinatown is Chinatown. Simmons published the letter on his “forum,” though he riddled it with typos as it was a transcription; one could hear the high-pitch cacophony in Simmons’ mealy mouth and incoherent response, which included a roleplay fantasy of Holloway going 5-3 in eight starts in ‘75 but not quite “having it.” If you don’t believe in humanity and don’t have a gun you’re naive--ed.). Williams and Moon facing off in the divisional playoff hopefully quelled something burbling among the kulaks in the suburbs; a bunch of whiners who see themselves as superior but get weepy and sentimental and defensive when one points it out to them.