USFL '86: Denver, or, Fools Gold

FOOL'S GOLD: The Post declared all season as the defending Western Conference champions dealt with labor strife due to poor working conditions--that Albertson's lot to practice in, the rickety school bus to the Albertson's, the Super 8 accomodations, the free health clinic in the Pharmor next to the Albertson's, $15 per diems, Rent-a-Wreck sponsorships, kettle bell gyms. Ron Blanding's austerity program weighed heavy on the Gold, who lost their first seven games. Head coach Craig Morton's decision to shift to a three receiver setup--hoping it might take some pressure off star quarterback Prince McJunkins, but he didn't seem to fully recover from the shoulder injury that knocked him out of the '84 Western Conference title game--his throws awkward. Bill Matthews, their star back, signed an offer sheet with the Bengals by week 14.  There were bright spots. Rich Miano pick-sixed Dan Fouts in the season opener and finished high in Defensive Rookie of the Year voting; rookie Todd Gerhart stepped up late and did help a revival of sorts: Denver rattled off three straight wins in the back-half of the season and flirted with a playoff berth before Jim Kelly and the equally frustrating but resurgent Gamblers tossed them into the silt in Week 16, 28-26. The highlight of the year might have been a disciplined, 38-28 win over Arizona in the finale--Fouts and crew led every statistical category, except turnovers; Prince and crew played flawlessly and in front of the largest crowd of the year--dollar tickets and dollar coors in Mile High’s upper section likely helped, a rare move of generosity from ownership.

Blanding sold the team to an outfit of LDS elders that Post columnist Wood Paige referred to as "The Hive," a reference to an important symbol of the Mormon faith. It should also be noted that the Libertarian Coors family seriously considered purchasing the club for "propaganda" reasons, but way underbid--the sale price ended at $21 million, much higher than expected for a USFL club. It was reported that The Hive built their fortune on the importation of zero-alcohol malt beverages popular with Muslims in the Middle East. The drink, rebranded stateside as Gold Tablet Brew, found success in that it looked like beer; this aided in social situations with secular business partners, and also took pressure off Provo and Salt Lake bars, tired of draconian liquor laws and ordinances. It was also popular with reformed and Schismatic Catholics, Baptists, and Shia Muslims centered in Detroit and elsewhere.

That the group worked with The Revolutionary Islamic Republic of Iran to set up a factory for production and export, wasn't as controversial as their "otherness" as Mormons and the fear the club would move to Salt Lake--absurd given that the families of the men had been in Denver since the Johnson County Wars. The Hive moved training camp to Dixie State College in St. George, Utah--actual football facilities--and dolled out raises to veteran players. They also brought along BYU phenom and '84 Niners top pick Todd Shell, having signed him to a 6-year, $4.2 million personal services contract after brutal negotiations with the Afrikan cartel that took over San Fran. These moves helped win over fans, but the inexplicable trade of Calvin Turner and Darryl Hemphill to Jacksonville for Larry Mason, draft picks--a low commodity in a league fighting for talent with the NFL--and cash led to the feeling that the Gold were in stingy hands again. The team's signings--largely raw small college talent and NFL cast-offs--provided little solace. Vai Sikahema, a sort of swiss-army BYU standout who could return, run and catch--was a fun move. Morton restored the offense to a traditional setup; one of the Hive's sons brought Prince on a covert mission trip to East Germany to get examined by a Cuban doctor, who restored his shoulder. McJunkins threw faster and crisper, if a little too quick. The webbing between rookie Eric Yarber's thumb and index finger largely gone.

Also on the trip--and only revealed to us as we were prepping for print--was former Steeler Chris Kołodziejski, who hadn’t played since ‘84 due to torn ligaments in his knees. Feeling that Pittsburgh was rearing to release him, The Hive “invited” him on the mission trip with the pretense to sign him if the Guervara procedure worked out. Practicing in a Rent-a-Wreck maintenance garage on a cut of old astro-turf, Chris caught ducks from Bob Gagliano and blazed through Craig Walls so easily Morton ended up trading him to Oakland, where he rotted on the bench. They had their tight end limp around Denver until March 6, when Pittsburgh finally cut him; the deal two years, $500,000, what would’ve been the last two years of his Steelers contract. He'd sit behind Vince White.